By Craig Knippenberg, LCSW, M.Div.

Read time 4 mins and 20 seconds

 

About two months after my knee replacement this summer, I noticed that my unused vial of Oxycodone was still sitting there on my nightstand. I then remembered that most students who try pain medications do so after a sports injury or after finding them in their parents’ bedroom or medicine cabinet. Having an 8th grade daughter at home, I immediately decided to take them to the pharmacy for proper disposal. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust my daughter; it’s knowing that the impulses of a teen brain (either hers or a friend’s) can be unstoppable. While you had to hide sweets or sodas (or those upcoming holiday presents) on the top shelf from your younger child, a child’s natural curiosity becomes supersized as teens crave to know about and explore the adult world. When you combine this with earlier and earlier knowledge of the adult world through the Internet or social media, the temptation to snoop around the house becomes even more intense.

Start with an assessment of what is around your house that could be a temptation. Then think about your teen’s previous level of impulse control as a younger child. The rule of thumb is: the less internal control your child has, the more external control they need. Also, keep in mind that all teens’ ability to control impulses drops in half at puberty. In addition, their emotional brain becomes twice as active while their desire for friends and fitting in with peers increases exponentially as their social brain area grows during this same time. You should also think about their friends’ ability for impulse control when coming to your house.  

I recommend these strategies for keeping your teen safe at home:

1. Start with educating your children early about adult substances and how these impact the developing teen brain. These discussions are a regular part of my 7th and 8th grade classes. Also share news stories about teens or adults who struggle with addiction and the health consequences. The newest phrase for lung damage caused by vaping is called “popcorning.” Give your teen a defensive line such as “No thanks, I don’t want to popcorn.” Classic teen lines when things seem to be getting out of hand include: “I have to go, my parents will ground me,” or “I think I hear my parents coming.” Also discuss how two or three teen brains together can make temptations exponentially harder to control.

2. If you keep alcohol, nicotine, or marijuana products at home, I’d recommend single-use servings. While this will dramatically increase your expense, it is worth it from a risk management standpoint. For centuries, teens have known that they can pour off some liquor or steal a couple of beers if these products are at home in large quantities. If you buy a handle of vodka, teens know that adding some water will go unnoticeable after they pour some off. When buying the above products, purchase just enough to get you through the evening. If these items only come in larger quantities (a 6-pack of beer or a box of cigarettes), you may want to keep track of your inventory and not leave them lying around the house. If you suspect that things are missing, don’t be afraid to query this with your teen. More discussions may be necessary as well as increasing the structure around the house.

3. When it comes to the medicine cabinet, make sure to return any unused medication to the pharmacy. You might also want to think about the larger quantities of Tylenol or Advil you have. It’s not uncommon for a suicidal teen to try swallowing a handful. 

4. Think about household chemicals, aerosol cans or glues you have in the house. While the Tide-Pod challenge seems to have run its course, young teens hear about how sniffing glue or Witeout can get you high (as well as cause brain damage) or how lighting an aerosol can make a flame thrower. While you don’t have to empty your entire house out, you do need to be aware of potential temptations. Remember, if they see a You Tube video on something that looks fun, they will be tempted to try it at home. 

5. Many a teen has been known to rifle through their mother’s purse or their father’s wallet. Credit cards can be an easy temptation for a purchase on Amazon for things like a do-it-yourself vape pen or a home use tattoo kit, as well as purchases made for gaming or gambling. As a precaution, it’s probably a good idea to go through your credit card invoices with a fine-tooth comb for any suspicious activity.

6. Make sure any firearms are properly locked and stored. Many a gun death (accidental, self-inflicted or directed at others) has come from the parents’ home.

7. As for electronics and phones, make sure you are tracking search histories and utilizing passwords and parent controls. While my son had to teach me how to set the password on my old desktop (after seeing some inappropriate sites pop up), there are many training programs and podcasts to help you stay a step ahead.

8. If your teen has already had several infractions in these areas, you might want to get a lock box or a security camera, or check out TROVA (www.trovaofficial.com). Developed by a couple of St. Anne’s parents, the TROVA lets you lock up a variety of temptations, and it can only be opened with your phone (using either a passcode or fingerprint). Given how young teens are obsessed with learning about sexuality, a lock box can hide intimate objects from prying eyes.

9. When hosting teens at your house, some parents choose to confiscate the smart phones to prevent group online behavior and to promote real-life interactions. In addition, best-selling author Michael Thompson recommends the “small bowl” approach. Utilizing small bowls for snacks gives you the chance to replenish them as you casually check in on what’s taking place.

In closing, it’s important to remember that young teens who are raised in a loving, adequate environment generally fair well through the teen years (unless there is a history of trauma or a prior mental health condition). I’m also a big fan of extending trust first to your teens. At the same time, you must be reality based about modern teen culture and the age-old teen brain. Even the most sensible, trustworthy child can give in to temptation. Or, as the old saying goes: “Better to be safe than sorry.”

Next Up in Trending with Teens: The 40 Assets: Ways to Help Your Teen be More Resilient.

Craig Knippenberg, LCSW, M.Div.